ugh

So I'm sick of raw today. Even though I made "lasagna" that the husband gladly ate, and even though there are "oatmeal cookies" in the dehydrator that are awesome... I just want to be normal again. I don't even want to wait for March. But I will, because I've set out to do this, and it's only food. Really, how big of a deal is two more weeks?

See, that's the whole problem. It's only food. I'm food obsessed. I've known this, and admitted it, for years. I'm always thinking about food in some context, whether it's how to make healthy food tastier or tasty food healthier, or making THE BEST version of you-name-it cuisine. I'm obsessed. But I've always felt like it was a pretty healthy obsession, because I enjoy working with food, and others enjoy eating it, and I'm pretty healthy, (holiday pounds not withstanding) so I don't generally worry about it. The obsession, that is.

So recently, in a few places, I've come across the term "Orthorexia." Have you heard it? It's the obsession with healthy eating. At first, I wasn't worried, because I figured it couldn't apply to me, since I eat ramen noodles and eat ice cream if I am so inclined. But certain aspects of the disorder struck a chord with me, and made me think that sometimes, it's not all about the food. Sometimes it's about having a normal social life, or eating a moderate amount of cheese, or bread, or whatever it is that we feel like we're just dying for at this moment.

So while I see some benefits from a raw food lifestyle, I don't think 100% raw is going to work out. When the trial is over, I'm going to give myself a week or so to eat what feels right to me, without limitations. At that point, I may reconsider going 50% raw, or trying to have a raw component at each meal.

Today I've eaten several raw (like not dehydrated) oatmeal cookies, two apples and some wine. Oh, and some olives. I know, I should have eaten other stuff. I think the muscle relaxants are screwing with me too.

Husband just got home. Goodnight to you.