Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Light of Day

Of course, I feel better today. I'm sure the flexeril is screwing with me, but my disposition just won't allow me to be mopey for more than a day or two at a time. I'm still looking forward to the end of the trial, and I still imagine I will be shooting for a 50% raw diet after this. I'm ready for food to have a less than starring role in my life. I still want to enjoy it, but I have to prioritize my career, my relationships, and my other pursuits first.

So, I don't really know how to stop obsessing about food. I'm trying to recall when I would obsess over something in the past, like a boy, I don't think I stopped obsessing until I picked a new boy. I realize this may sound unhealthy, or desperate, or whatever, but it's honest. Now, typically, the new boy would prove mostly useless, but once the new boy was out of the picture, I would be significantly less obsessed with the old boy.

Of course, now I'm married, so there's really no more need to obsess about boys at all. The boy is here, the boy is staying, there's no need to worry about it. We have fun together, we go our separate ways, we come back together. It's not complicated.

I see no reason why the food shouldn't be the same way. After all, it's not going anywhere, is it? But it doesn't work like that. Food obsession is not a rational thing. Neither, frankly, is boy obsession. I've certainly done things to get a boy's attention that I would not have done under normal circumstances.

These are musings, rants, who knows what. Frankly, I think the way I'm feeling is much more the meds than the food, and the food ought not be blamed. Raw food is good. It's beautiful. It's nutrient packed. But is it enough?


Keely said...

Yes... it can be enough. If you want it to be enough!!! [grin]

Larissa said...

These are very interesting thoughts, ms Mandy. I will keep reading. :)

mandy said...

keely... i definitely know it's enough to survive, to thrive, even. you're right. the question is, do i want it to be enough!